The Third Man

“I may have won 19 awards that you don’t feel I earned, but it’s neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you’re not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren’t we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks? Hey, let’s go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!)

I’m sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you’re bitter. I took exactly one film class in college and— with the curious exception of the Douglas Sirk unit—it bored the shit out of me. I also once got busted for loudly crinkling a bag of Jujubes during a classroom screening of Vivre Sa Vie. I don’t deserve to be here. We’ve established that. But I’m here. Five million 12-year-olds think I’m Buck Henry. Accept it.

I’m sorry to all those violent, semi-literate fanboys who hate me for befriending their heroes. I can’t help it if your favorite writer, actor, director, or talk show host likes me. Maybe you would too, if we actually met.”

I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you’re spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I’m sorry if you think I’m like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby cunt from 2002, but I like my fake name. It’s engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn’t.”

She goes on a little longer but you get the gist. Listen I agree that Juno should never have gotten that Best Picture nomination and she should never have won the Best Screenplay award. I enjoyed Juno but it’s clearly not art nor does it pretend to be I think. A lot of unwarranted success came her way because of a script that hinged on wit and nothing else. She’s basically the female Kevin Smith. Funny, smart, witty but obviously not great film makers. I get that. What I don’t get is why so much hate is thrown her way.

People tend to not properly process the term overrated these days. People project hate on overrated movies unto the movies and film makers themselves when they have done nothing to deserve their vitriol. The hate should be projected to the people who overrated the film in the first place.

Normally I won’t suggest for writers to get embroiled in online flame wars. I was posting at the Rotten Tomatoes forums during Kevin Smith’s famous two visits that degenerated into insanity. Kevin came off like a petulant ass on both occasions. Cult Icon was a fabulous poster and she never deserved ridicule like that. I never posted at Television Without Pity but I heard about the Aaron Sorkin incident there second hand. To continue the theme, Sorkin came off looking like jackass much like Smith did. They became the very thing they were arguing against when they started lobbing juvenile insults back at their haters.

Cody did the right thing by just addressing this in a blog post. Sure it’s a ranty somewhat angry blog post, but she manages to make good points (hah, I use the Black Kids example so much now too!) simply because it’s not in the heat of an argument. It would have been terrible if she confronted someone like Smith and Sorkin did in a brain-dead graveyard like the IMDb boards for example. I respect that she needed to defend herself and I still like her as a writer. I’ll judge her post-Juno work on merit not on her reputation. In the mean time, chill the fuck out guys.